THE NEW YEAR

To my friends of Renacer, and most specially, to those parents that face their first 31st, of December, without the physical presence of their sons or daughters.

The streets have a  different feeling, the people are busy preparing for their celebration.  Santa Claus is there, in the windows, near a Christmas tree, next to a nougat, near a roll of gift wrappings, for the gifts and cards that wish happiness and cheer to friends and family.  One hears a Christmas Carol.  Life continues…

What is happening?  Do they ignore our Pain?  Don’t they know the existence of Renacer?  Don’t they know that this year (many of them are our friends, our family), there is nothing, absolutely nothing to celebrate?

Don’t get angry, don’t feel helpless, don’t build up your resentment.  They are fortunate not to have experienced the painful event that you and I share.  They respect our pain, but they don’t know yet, how to help us.  It is us then, that have to understand them!

The process of mourning, is filled with first times, and on the eve of the first New Year, we must make a difficult decision; how and with whom to spend New Years Eve.

You might at first, want to be left alone, and isolate yourself, hide in a hole, look for pills that make you sleep all through the hollidays and wake up in January.

These attitudes (and the experience of those that have mourned for some years), can verify, have not helped anyone, at all.

You must face the situation. How? With values, that influence your attitudes that suggests the LogoTherapy.  What are their values of attitude? 

They are simply, positive attitudes, towards Life.

Try to control your egocentric grief, lift your eyes towards your loved ones, that are fortunately, still at your side. They need your presence, to share in their nostalgia and in their pain. They don’t want a party, of course, but they would like to be  with you, together, on these dates.

If you don’t do it, you won’t be able to leave behind the 1^st Time, and the calendar, implacable, in 12 months will, again, present the same situation.

Don’t postpone this opportunity. You  will have to be able to leave your hole, and to say “Yes to Life” , in spite of it all. Don’t disdain to take advantage of this opportunity

Don’t let yourself be overcome by your anxiety. Feelings that invades us on the eve of difficult events, filling us with catastrophic expectations.

I am convinced that if you can achieve this goal, you will show positive feelings and it will be less painful, than what you have imagined.

I have another suggestion that I permit myself to give you. Try to share this moment, with your loved ones, and also with some member of the Renacer Family.

They are, especially in the beginning of their mourning process, the ones who share with us, our most profound feelings.We come from the same place, we don’t need to explain anything, and it is with them that we can share a cup, a tear, a smile.

Nearly 4 years ago, when you might have been preparing with joy, your holydays, I was facing my first New Year  Celebration, without Martin, my son.  I was in a hole similar to yours, or in the same hole.  I would have liked to receive a letter.  It would have been nice.  That is why I write to you today.

Next year, perhaps, you will be less centered on yourself, and feel the desire to write a letter, similar to mine, to your new companions, that you shall, unfortunately, meet.  Friends that today, perhaps, are planning, happily their holiday Festivities.

So you see, Life Continues, in cycles, that repeat themselves.

The celebrations have started. I lift up my cup. I look into your eyes and drink to your health, and in silence, I offer a toast for them.

Dr. Carlos J. Bianchi